200 YEARS OF MARRIAGE BICENTENNIAL SERMON June 3, 2012

Today as part of our Bicentennial, we celebrate 200 years of marriage at Christ Church Quaker Farms. During that time, hundreds of women & men came together here, in the presence of God and their families, to make vows of lifelong fidelity. And some of those couples are with us today. • Would any of you who were married at CCQF, including those of you who are widowed, would you please stand up so that we can recognize you? Here is our living history of 200 years of marriage at CCQF. You are part of the rich heritage of this church, in the past, present, and future, and we honor you all. In my hand is an antique CCQF Prayer Book, which has been in this church since the year the building was completed in 1814. The first couple married here, stood before this altar and head the pastor read these words: Of course, that was a long time ago. During the past 200 years, the institution of marriage has gone through many changes. • Back in the Early 19th century, parents arranged most marriages. It was only around the turn of the 20th century that marriages were inspired by romantic love. • Back in the 19th century, women pledged to obey their husbands in the marriage liturgy. In our day and time, most couples share in decision making with one another. • Back in the 19th century, women were solely responsible for raising and managing the children. 19th century social custom dictated a formal and distant relationship between a man and his children. In our day and time, most fathers are much more involved in child rearing. • Back in the 19th century, holy matrimony was understood as a holy union made by God himself. But today, many people have dropped the word “holy” out of the title. Many , many couples now choose to have secular marriages, which are merely human arrangements, with human values and rules. • Back in the 19 century, the divorce rate in this nation was around 3%. In 2011, among new marriages, the divorce rate is between 40 to 50 % of new marriages. Roles of men and woman may have changed some, but it seems to me that God’s plan for Christian marriage has not changed: God’s word defines marriage as a sacred covenant between a man, a woman, and God himself. God’s plan for marriage is a lifelong union , characterized by mutual respect, mutual honor, mutual fidelity, mutual sacrifice, and mutual joy. However, what many non believers do not understand, is that the love needed for a successful marriage is love which only comes from God. Human beings are not capable of such love, over the long haul of a lifelong commitment. To unintentionally or intentionally exclude God from the marriage, is to deny the depth of love necessary for marriages to prosper. To be honest, we Americans have trouble with “Love,” because the word is thrown around so loosely. • I love pizza. I love my country. I love my fiancé. I love my children. I love my grandma. I love my friend. Certainly, I do not love pizza in the same manner that I love grandma, nor do I love my fiancé in the same way I love my children. Some of the confusion about love is caused by the fact that in English, we have one term, “love,” which describes a variety of different “love” experiences. However, the Greeks have actually 4 different terms: • “Eros,” which means romantic love. • The lives of their children.“Philia, “ which means brotherly love or friendship • “Storge,” which means the love of family; • And “AGAPE”--love, which is committed, self sacrificing love. Agape-love, where you choose to love someone so much, that you put his or her interests and well-being and happiness above your own. So, looking at question # 2, which type of love is the most important in marriage? (All important—but one is vital). Romantic love, or Eros, without sacrificial love, agape, will not last. Agape- love is not all about me, but directed towards you. That’s why God , in his infinite wisdom, decided to create a setting for romance to grow and to become infused with agape-love. • And within this sacred commitment, they are free to love and to trust and to depend—because they both have made a solemn vow to continue loving one another, no matter what. • And that, is real marriage….where vows mean something, and both parties choose to love one another by honoring their vows and promises. Of course, the sad reality is that not all marriages fulfill God’s plan. When agape love is missing form one or both partners, then trauma , betrayal, disappointment, and sorrow may follow. For all its brokenness, however, my guess is that each of you knows of one or more marriage which Have fulfilled the God- given promise of agape love. Today, following the sermon, there are 18 couples who are going to publicly reaffirm their marriage vows. By doing so , they gave giving honor and thanks to God and each other. On Thursday night, I met with them all and asked them to identify one way that God has blessed them through the love of their spouse. • One jokester eagerly raised his hand and shouted, “Her chicken Marcella is fantastic.” • Then, everyone spoke of the blessings of children and grandchildren, and extended families. But, then the discussion took a more intimate turn, as they said such things as • He is someone that I can always count on.” • His love of me has strengthened my love of God.” • “He’s hoped me to become a better person.” • “Always loving; always my friend.” • “He helps me to get through the hard times. By working together, we’re not just two people, we’re more like 3.” • She has helped bring balance to my life.” • And finally, “He makes me laugh.” That was a very moving conversation; and it made me think how happy I am that today, all of us can share in this celebration of Love. That, is the way that God agape-loves you and me. Lets’ look at question # 3 in your sermon notes: As designed by the creator of the universe, all relationships , romantic, family, friends, are better and more lasting when both parties practice agape-love. Agape-love is patient and kind. It is not self-seeking. It keeps no record of wrongs. Agape-love will never end, All other things in life, and all relationships without agape-love, will fade away. Church is meant to be a school to learn how to love, because God is agape-love. This love is intended for all people, whether you are married or not. Jesus agape-loved us all by laying down his life that we might be forgiven and loved by God. So on this day of love, let’s remember the Prayer of the King of Love, that the whole world would know that we are His disciples, because of the way we love one another.