DO YOU LOVE ME?

Easter 3 year C

Today in our first reading, we hear of the classic story of the conversion of St. Paul on the road to Damascus.  While this story is dramatic and dynamic, for most other Christians, our commitment to Christ happens more slowly, over the course of time.   But not infrequently, sometimes when we pray, we can actually imagine hearing God’s voice, as the fellow in the following story did.

My name is Pete Simmons.  This past Sunday, I was minding my own business, sitting church during the service, and hearing the readings from the Bible.  We were listening to the time that the Resurrected Jesus met His disciples at the Sea of Galilee.  Anyway, the reader read this part,

‘Jesus said, “Peter, do you love me more than you love your friends here? “Peter replies, “Of course, you know that I love you, Lord.”  Then Jesus says, “Feed my sheep.” 

“What a strange thing to say,” I thought.  It sounds like Jesus is giving animal husbandry advice. The priest continued,

” Once again, Jesus asked, “Peter do you love me?”  Peter replies, “Master, you know that I love you.”  Jesus replied, “Care for my lambs.  Feed my sheep.”

Now as that was being read, I started thinking that Jesus really doesn’t trust this guy, or He is worried that Peter is too dense to understand.    Next, we heard,

Jesus said once again, Peter do you really love me?”

Wow.  What’s that?  This was somewhat shocking, but when I heard those words read, I felt like I was the person being addressed…...   Not the St. Peter of the scriptures, but me, the unsaintly Pete Simmons.  I don’t understand this. Was the priest looking at me when she read those words? But then, in my mind, I hear the question, again,” Pete Simmons, do you love me?”   Well, the sermon began and I tried to listen, but that question kept repeating itself in my mind.  Suddenly, the shock had worn off, & I consider the question:   Do I love Jesus?   Do I love God. Well, I guess I do.  I try to live a good life.  I attend church, at least once a month or so. My children were baptized here.  I contribute an annual pledge to the church.  Does that mean that I love God?

Or maybe I really don’t?  Maybe I am just too apathetic.   Do I love Jesus?  I have never seriously considered it and no one has ever asked the question.    Previously, I thought I did. I thought my actions said it all.   But now, I am not so sure.  Suddenly, I was reminded of the time, before we were married, when I first told my future wife that I loved her.  That changed everything.  She replied that she also loved me, and then we both knew that each of us had found our soul mate.   Love can be a powerful word. That was great……. but I don’t think that I have ever told Jesus that I love him, at least like that.

Then, in my imagination, I see an image of Jesus.  He is smiling.  However, I feel like He is looking right through me…and that He knows my inner turmoil.   Then, Jesus asks me, “PETE, do you love me?”

I am rather startled by the question.  I am not quite sure what to say, so I just imagine saying, “I want to love you.  I know that you died and rose from the dead to forgive me of my sins, so that I can have eternal life.”

·       Next I feel ashamed, and I reply, “Jesus, to be honest, it seems to me that most of the time, I sort of ignore you.   I have received so many blessings, and yet I complain that I do not have enough. I haven’t thanked you.  I have just gone about my business, not thinking about you.  Jesus, I am sorry.”

Jesus smiles again. I started to feel better—to feel relieved…and I felt a smile coming to my face.  I prayed, “Thank you.    Yes, Lord, I sincerely love you.’

Jesus smiles back, “Then Pete, feed my sheep.”  And then I am left wondering what that means, “To feed his sheep.”

So, I wonder, “Who are God’s sheep?”

My image of Jesus replied, “Look around.  You can see them.”

Suddenly, the whole congregation is standing and hugging and shaking hands…exchanging the ‘Peace of the Lord.’  Now, I just stand up in the pew, shake a few hands, and then sit back down again.   Okay.  Now I get it.  His sheep are the folks in this room.  Now previously when the priest called us the church family, I didn’t think that I was a part of it. But I guess that I am one of his sheep, along with the others here.  So that makes sense.  As I sit back down, I continue thinking about this, and then I wonder, “How am I to feed them?”

Jesus seems to reply, “Look around.”

At that point, one of the ushers comes to my pew, signaling that then was the time to go up for communion. Now I am starting to make some connections.  Jesus feeds us with his body and blood, and tells us to feed his sheep.    After I receive, I walk back to my seat and kneel in prayer.  “I still don’t understand, Lord,” I pray.  Jesus replies, “Look how others are feeding sheep all around you.  Look how others are serving you.”

·       I look up and see the Ministers of Communion. Well, I certainly don’t want to do that.  I looked at the Acolytes.  I remembered when I was an acolyte as a   I felt like I was making a contribution.  I don’t feel that way now. In fact, all I do is come to the church, sit in the pew, and let others do things for me.  Too be honest, other than sitting in the pew, which I think is important, I really have not lifted a finger to help out.

·       I then look at the Ushers.  I could do that.  I suddenly realize that Jesus has feed me with communion, and that I want to help out.  I want to serve.

·       When announcement time comes, one fellow stood up and talked about a Spring Clean Up day the following Saturday.  It sounded kind of fun, with lunch as a bonus.  Maybe I will come.

I feel different as I left the church. Instead of just rushing out, like I normally do, I actually spoke with some of the folks as we are leaving the church.   I went downstairs for a cup of coffee.  As I am just sitting down, Steve comes over and asks me to come to the clean-up day. I don’t know Steve well, but was he ever happy when I told him that I would come.”

And you know what?  It made me feel good inside.

This week I thought about what happened.  I can say, Yes, I love you Lord and I will find ways to serve you because of that love.  

By the Rev. John Donnelly