civility: A Sermon

Civility: A Sermon

The Rev. John Donnelly, Christ Church Quaker Farms, Oxford, CT.  Feb.19, 2017

The follow is an exert from a column by Leonard Pitts, Jr, which is entitled, “Whatever happened to that quaint relic called ‘Civility’”?

Can we be candid here?  The public is a bunch of rude, obnoxious jerks.  Yes, there are  exceptions. I am not such a bad guy and you, of course, are a paragon of civility.  But the rest of them? A cavalcade of boors, boobs, buns & bozos.

So, it is small wonder that the tale of Steven Slater has hit a nerve.  Slater, a flight attendance for Jet6blue, got into it with a women who cursed him when he asked her not to stand up and retrieve her bags while the plane was still taxiing.  At some point, Slater was apparently hit in the head; his attorney says the woman slammed the storage bin on him.

This is much is for certain: Slater went to the plane’s public address system and, as quoted by one witness, declared, “To the passenger who just called me a ___  _____, I ‘ve been in this business 28 years and I have had it.”  He then grabbed a beer from the service cart, deployed the plane’s evacuation slide, slid down to the tarmac and drove home.  He was arrested soon after.

To concede the obvious: Yes, it was a dumb stunt.  He’s lucky no one on the ground was injured by the slide.  But still...it seems to me  that the episode speaks more pointedly to the growing incivility in all our daily lives.”

Now I read this column while we were in San Francisco several years ago.  I read it the same day that we were caught in a horrible downtown traffic jam.  I kept trying to change lanes so that I could get off at my exit—but no one would let me in. L  I couldn’t believe it.  To be honest, despite the bad rap about New Jersey drivers, I never have trouble in switching lanes.  I find that people understand that we are all in this traffic jam together, and that most drivers are happy to let you head of them in line.

BUT NOT IN CALIFORNIA!!! No way! They see you trying to switch lanes and they put their foot on the accelerator, just to make you move out of the way.

After this happened about 5 times in a row, a bunch of 4 letter words were beginning to form in my mouth.  But, my family was with me, so I just bit my tongue.  Instead, I yelled a lot.

Recent polls report that three quarters of Americans are disturbed and annoyed by the increasing amount of disrespectful, rude, and uncivil behavior throughout our land.

Let’s review this for a moment:

1.      It used to be that it was an exception when children openly defied their parents and teachers.  Now, it’s a national pass time.  Such defiance is how kids can become popular.

2.      In the past, our television heroes were Superman, Gunsmoke’s Matt Dillion, and Dr. Quin, Medicine Woman. Today, our television heroes include

·        The drug dealer hero from “Breaking  Bad”;

·        Dr. Dexter, who murders people each episode;

·        “The Real promiscuous wives from wherever”;

·        And Lucifer, the loveable devil.

3.      Children used to bully other children on the playground.  Now, they will anonymously post lies and attacks on social media so that the whole school can laugh at the joke.  Unfortunately, these vicious pranks have had some utterly tragic results involving suicide.

However, the rude behavior , which most pollsters say upsets most Americans is the use of cell phones in public places.  You can be minding your own business at a restaurant or a store, and the loudest voice you hear is some wind bag talking on his/her cellphone, as if by yelling, their party will be able to hear them better; unaware that he or she is annoying everyone else.

Of course, America’s most uncivil activity is politics.  It is a shame, but civil discourse about the issues that impact us all seems almost impossible, not just in Washington, but even in daily conversations that you and I might have.  Such discussions can degenerate into name calling, personal attacks, interruptions, shouting, and demonization.

WHAT ARE GOOD PEOPLE TO DO?

I have been influenced on this topic by Stephen Carter, who is a Yale professor and an advocate for renwed civility in public life. Carter defines civility as , “the sacrifices that we make for the sake of living together.”  Carter says that we all need to make sacrifices in our speech and behavior for the common good.  It’s a question of not thinking about our own rights and freedom, but focusing our manners, our behavior , and our language in a way that expresses consideration and respect for all people.

To many abuse our freedom of speech and freedom to act, without taking responsibility for the hurt that we may inflict upon others.

Do you know that apparently the term “incivility” is based on an ancient Greek word meaning, “Not to be a citizen.”  All inconsiderate, indifferent, and rude behavior & speech weaken our institutions and our relationships.

Recently I received a birthday card which encouraged me about this.  The cover of the card featured a large birthday cake with about 150 candles, all over the page.  The inside of the card read, ”The more birthdays you , the more you glow.”  I believe that it is up to us adults, of all ages, especially Christians, to lead the way.  Jesus commands us to love our neighbors as ourselves. Even though we disappoint & hurt Him by our own inconsiderate speech and actions, He forgives us.  He died on the cross and rose from the dead, that we might show the world that we are Christians by our love.  And the civility that Jesus  wants from us involves not just doing no harm; but making sacrifices for the good of others.

A number of years ago , there was a wonderful movie called, “Pay it Forward.”  In the movie, a ten year old boy does random acts of kindness for the people he meets.  The recipients were so touched, that they wanted to pay him back. But the boy said, “Don’t pay it back. Pay it forward.  Be kind to someone else>”  Well, the recipients were so touched that they went and did as they boy suggested; and soon, random acts of kindness caught on.  People were surprised and delighted by the unexpected kindness shown them, that they went and did likewise.

I saw this phenomena within my own life, a number of years ago when I was a hospice chaplain.   Our office was located in a state hospital for the mentally and physically handicapped; and it was not a happy place.  Some of the employees called it “the kingdom of darkness. “Indeed, I was surprised that on my first day, no one smiled, no one looked  up when passing me, and no one greeted me.  Well, this went on for a while, until I decided that I was just going to get into everybody’s face with kindness.  As they looked down at the floor while passing me, I’d say, “Hello.  Hope you have a good day.”  I greeted people in the hallway of my office on a daily basis, and soon they began to greet me back.  I began to see more smiles.  While, my floor became down right friendly.  Now, I am sure that this was not due to me alone—but my contribution certainly helped.

So, you , to, can see this, even if you are considerate to perfect strangers.  They may be grateful, or not; besides, you will probably find that Jesus will be the one to pay you back.